Paleo Challenge Day 0

Day Zero. I know.

My original plan was to start March 1st and do the challenge for the whole month of March. But after 2 weeks of a consistent headache...I'm gonna start tomorrow. 2 days early...big deal...but I can't stand going another minute of this headache knowing that there is something I could do to possibly make it go away.

Please, Jesus. Let gluten be the source of my problems.

Anyway.

I plan on blogging throughout this month to stay accountable and to let others know how it's going too. I won't post it to Facebook every single day because that would get annoying. SO...if you wanna see updates, I have my blog link on my Facebook info.

Since it's 2 days before payday, I didn't have much money to get groceries. I tried getting stuff to last tomorrow and Friday...and spent 50 bucks. I hope that's not how it's going to be all month. Or else my husband is going to kill me :P I also went to Schnuks instead of Wal Mart. Which is probably a big reason as to why it was so dang expensive. Ultimately, I know that eating completely clean is going to be more expensive than eating junk; however, I'm hoping I will learn how and where I can save money.

In the oven right now are my egg omelet muffins to have for breakfast :) I'm really excited about these! I will let you all know how they taste! 

My Obsession, My Addiction

A couple weeks ago in church, our pastor talked about temptation. Towards the beginning of the message, he asked us what we thought about when we heard the word "temptation". He then went on to jokingly say "We usually use the word temptation when referring to things that aren't a big deal. Like that extra scoop of ice cream is really tempting..."

It has been heavy on my mind ever since. For some people, this is actually a REALLY big deal. I know he didn't mean it the way I took it; but, I'm sorry, I couldn't help but think into it.

So I thought about it...and thought some more...and a little more....

I have never been morbidly obese. I have never struggled with diabetes or heart problems from eating too many Big Macs. I am SO thankful that I was able to change my health around before it got to that point (Because at the rate I was at, those things weren't far away). But the way I have struggled with food and self esteem issues for as long as I can remember, is NO joke.

And I know I'm not the only one. I know so many people struggle with being dependent on food.

When presented with a delicious treat, the torment that goes on inside is just...well...tormenting. It frustrates me to no end that I can't just flippin say "no" and that be the end of it. I obsess. If I say yes, I guilt myself. Seriously for far too long. I still feel guilty about the ice cream I had 3 days ago. If I say no, I do feel triumphant and really good about myself...but I still sit there and imagine how good that brownie or cookie or something tastes. STILL, even if I do say "no", the process my brain went thru to get to that decision is just excruciating. 

It is so frustrating to me when people who know the journey I'm on try to get me off the band wagon for "just one cookie" or "a little bit isn't going to throw off all your progress". That's just not how it works! I know they don't know exactly how difficult it is unless they themselves have been there, but I still get frustrated.

After I started losing weight this past summer, it got easier. The pounds seemed to just fall off and it felt SO empowering to say "no" to unhealthy food. There was still a struggle, but I was just so overweight and had had such bad eating habits before that even if I did give in sometimes, I still was losing weight quite quickly. Things really slowed down around November-ish I guess. Maybe October. I wish I had kept track better. I stopped seeing results as fast and I got discouraged so saying "no" to junk food got hard.

As long as I can remember, food has been my comfort. My habit. My go-to friend. My reward. My crutch. My excuse. My obsession. My addiction.

Aaaaaand here we are. I made a public promise a little over a month ago that I was going to lose more weight by June. So far, I have lost some weight...but I am just so tired of feeling so trapped by my struggle with food.

I don't WANT it to be such a struggle. I don't want to get almost physically sick every time I am faced with an opportunity to eat junk food. I want to be able to "eat to live not live to eat". 

So, I'm giving it to God. Along with a group of a few others, I am starting a paleo challenge for the month of March. I'm really excited because basically it is just taking away any option to "cheat" on my healthy eating. Or else I will screw up my gluten and dairy free test. Go hard or go home, right? I really am an extreme person sometimes...but just trying to eat less crap food isn't working.

God wants to help me with this struggle. DUH! So I think it's about time I let Him. My prayer is that whenever I need comforted, I find comfort in His arms. Whenever I need a friend, I chat Him up. When I wake up at 2am and can't sleep, I turn to Him and not the fridge. I want Him to be my addiction. My obsession. 

He gave me a really awesome motivator-my husband-who I am so thankful for. He tells me I'm beautiful and helps me keep my eyes on my goals.

Thank you, Jesus.

I will try to do a better job at keeping this blog updated. My hope is that God will use my struggle and my story to help motivate other people to get healthy. It's NOT an easy road...but it is totally doable. After all, with Him, ALL things are possible, ya'll.

Public Promise

Recently, someone who I really look up to posted about making "public promises" for accountability. She said to post publicly AND to talk with 2 people who you would never want to let down about your goals. So, that's what I am doing.

I lost 30ish pounds fairly quickly...and then I plateaued. Life was throwing some curve balls at me, and I lost track of my "why". Got frustrated. Honestly, I've not really given my all to my health and fitness for a month or so now. I still have another 25 pounds (at least) to go. If you are reading this, you care enough to read what I have to say so maybe you care enough to help hold me accountable? 

My Public Promise

*I promise to be 25 pounds lighter by June 7th.
June 7th is my brother's wedding day. I promise that I will walk down that aisle in my pretty bridesmaid dress 25 pounds lighter. I KNOW I can do it. 25 pounds in 6 months, I feel, is an extremely attainable goal. 

I know that just by saying that, doesn't mean I'm going to lose the weight. There HAS to be a plan. So, here is how I plan to lose 25 pounds...

*I WILL drink half my body weight in ounces of water every...single...day.
*I WILL workout 5 days a week-no exceptions (well I mean, stomach flu would be a good exception. Or the zombie apocalypse but besides that, no exceptions).
*I WILL allow myself 1 cheat meal a week. But besides that, I WILL say no to fast food junk, fried stuff, and processed food (okay....most of the processed foods within reason)
*I WILL drink my Greens every day to get all my fruits and veggies in

Okay I really think that's it. Bottom line is that there will be 25 pounds less of me by June 7th. Those daily goals will get me there along with the accountability from the people who are still reading this post :P 

I couldn't have lost those first 30 pounds without the accountability and encouragement I got from my friends and family. This getting healthy/weight loss stuff is a struggle-but totally doable. Just have to put your mind to it, peeps. 

The Helpless Need Help. What are You Going to do About it?

I walked out of my apartment this morning and groaned as I was met by a nasty, cold wind. I walked 20 feet to my car and then later from my car into work. THAT was enough of the cold for me. 

Not that they have really left my mind at all, but I couldn't help but think about the people we met yesterday. How could I not? Here I was complaining about the cold with my warm coat and car that was already warm thanks to auto-start...and not far from me, there are people who have to deal with this all day.

Absolutely nothing could have prepared me for what we saw yesterday. I really THOUGHT I was. Never did I realize just how bad it was going to be. We made 100 bags with food and other items...and they were gone within no time at all. As soon as people started realizing what we had, they flocked around us asking for bags. It wasn't just men either....women, children, elderly, and the disabled all NEEDING those sandwiches we were handing out. 

We don't truly know what the definition of "heartbreaking" is, until we see God's children struggling for the necessities to survive. 

Did ya really get that? Struggling for the necessities to survive. Just forget about the extras. I mean, my sister gave a hand-made pink blanket to a very old, frail woman. This lady lit up. She kept talking about how beautiful this blanket made her feel and how she hadn't had something that lovely in ages.

A blanket. A simple blanket. 

A million thoughts and questions have been going through my mind the last 24 hours. How did I not know about this? How is this happening? How are we ALLOWING this to happen? Are we not called to help one another? 

And finally...

What can I do to make a difference?

People, just because we go about our daily lives and pretend like everything is okay, doesn't mean it is. While we stress over the petty and material things in life, there are people right down the road from us who NEED HELP. I mean, I think of all the money people spend on Christmas gifts for their families, friends, coworkers, etc. that eventually are just going to be tossed aside. That money could be going towards a bus ticket to help a man get to his out of town family and off the streets. For many people on the streets, that is literally all it would take.

How can we WANT so much when there is such a NEED? These are real, live people! They have real thoughts and real fears and real needs. They are just as much God's children as you and me. And yet, we disregard them. MAYBE give a couple bucks to a man playing the guitar down by the Scottrade Center...MAYBE some spare change to the person holding a sign at an intersection. And we feel good about ourselves, don't we? 

What if there was something we could really do? 

Well guess what....there IS. God doesn't call us to be comfortable. He wants us OUT of our comfort zone and where He wants us to be. Living in our little bubbles doesn't do anyone any good. Stop sitting on your butt and do something worth while in this life. You aren't going to be rewarded for getting to the highest level of Candy Crush possible or having the most fashionable clothes of all your friends. Tomorrow is never guaranteed, my friends. Stop waiting for an opportunity to make a difference and start doing. 

I double dare you to go with us the next time we go downtown. If you could leave there without feeling SOMETHING, you need help haha.

God knew what He was doing when he laid it on my heart a month ago to help the homeless on December 22nd. He knew what He was doing when He made our path cross with another group called Homeless Revolution. I talked quite a bit with the founder of the group today and oh my goodness. What an awesome guy! Their group not only brings the homeless necessities, but they take the time to get to know these people and try and figure out how to get them off the streets. Whoa! I hope to learn a lot more from this guy and hopefully start helping some of these people.

Are you in?

I'm Katie, and I'm a Control Freak

I’m a control freak. Always have been. I mean, it’s so bad that when I feel like I am not in control of a situation, I will have a major anxiety attack. I’ve recently decided that I think it has something to do with the whole bi-polar thing. There have been a few times in my life (not so much recently) where I have SO not been in the right frame of mind to make a decision and so the decision has been made for me. Or where I haven’t felt in control of myself and it freaks me the heck out. So, I have control issues. I have to be in control.

As I’m sure you can imagine, it has really caused a strain in my relationship with God. I’ve never fully been able to surrender my life to Him. I’ve never been able to step away and say “not my will, but YOURS be done, Lord”. I always have felt like I needed to make things happen and I need to do my own thing. I’ve always known that God’s plan for me is a lot more perfect than anything I could ever muster up and I’ve known that if I just let Him take the reins, He would take care of His daughter. But since I’m being completely honest here, the idea of giving it all to Him, scares the CRAP out of me. How frustrating! How frustrating it is to KNOW that your Heavenly Father can take care of you but just being completely unable (or unwilling) to let go!

I think many people face this problem…not necessarily the same situation (although, most of my fellow bi-polar peeps I’ve talked with have the same struggles) but I think everyone at some point struggles with giving their everything to God. I have had my hard times with my relationship with God…many years filled with doubt, confusion, and even resentment at times…but I have never doubted His presence in my life. I’ve never doubted His unconditional love for me and how much He cares for me. It genuinely makes me sad watching people I know (or don’t know), who don’t have Jesus, go thru some of the hurts and pains this world throws at them. I know I couldn’t face life without Him.

Many things in my life lately have been out of my control. Different things. Things I don’t want to get into. I’ve been trying my absolute hardest to re-gain control on my own and to make things happen the way I want them to happen. Almost humorously…things keep blowing up in my face. Really, if it wasn’t SO frustrating…it would be humorous. And hopefully some day I will be able to look back at this as the time God was really trying to show me that my way of doing things SUCKS. Because ya know what? It does. I can FEEL God asking me “Are you done yet?”.

I’m really trying. This is hands down the hardest thing I’ve been thru. My heart has been hurting a lot…and it’s pretty much my own fault. I’ve got to stop stressing so much about what I can do to make the hurt stop and give it to God. On my lunch break today, I sat in my car and just cried. I literally cannot keep doing this on my own.

Have you ever just opened your Bible randomly to see where you land? To see if something sticks out like asking God to speak to you? Okay well I did that today. I randomly opened to…

2 Corinthians 1:3-7…”Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, ⁴ who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. ⁵ For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ. ⁶ If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. ⁷ And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.”

I cried some more. I’m a big emotional baby sometimes. He’s been here for me this WHOLE time. No…the verse isn’t really about control…but it’s about comfort. I’ve been searching for some sort of comfort for a little while now. So the fact that THIS was the verse I opened up to, kinda made me think “Ok, God, I know…I know. You are here”. God’s plan for me is so much greater than my plan for myself. Sure…I wish that my plan would roll out the way I want it to. But it’s been proven time and time again that my plan isn’t the best for me. God wants-and KNOWS- what is best for me.

Okay I’m done. What I intended to be a short post turned into a long one…as usual. And re-reading it…it sounds a little jumbled. Oh well. It makes me feel better :P

I’ve had people tell me I wear my heart on my sleeve and that I’m too open about stuff sometimes. That could take up a whole other blog post. Let me just say…that I want people to know that they aren’t alone. Not all Christians are the “holier than thou” “my life is perfect because I have Jesus” Christians. This, folks, is real. Real struggles…real life.

My first post on my new blog is going to be dedicated to all the "accept yourself for who you are...every inch of you" and "bones are for dogs, meat is for men" posts. Anyone who has read my previous blog knows that I only ever really blog when I'm fired up about something :P So here we go.

I used to be ALL about those posts. It gave me such a hope that it didn't matter what I looked like because, I mean, the average sized woman in America is a size 14. Guys like curves not "skinny minny's". Woot woot! Now where is my cheese pizza?

If you find that man who "loves meat" because "bones are for dogs", I hope you are okay with probably living a shortened and lesser life. If you find a man who "loves every inch of you", I hope he loves every inch of you when you are diagnosed with diabetes. I'm not trying to be mean. I'm just saying. Almost 60% of deaths in the US are linked to obesity. BOOM. We DO have control over that for the most part, ya know?

God created all of us perfectly. He didn't make a mistake on any one of us...we are exactly the way He intended us to be. With that being said, we shouldn't mistake that as an excuse to eat burgers and fried chicken every day.

By no means am I judging so I apologize if it comes across that way. This is the chick who worked at McDonald's for 3 years and didn't go a single day without eating it. I was addicted. I literally couldn't help myself....not that I ever really wanted to. We are brainwashed by a society that centers everything around food! We are surrounded by billboards, TV commercials, adds, etc, that glorify food. We see everywhere happy, thin, beautiful people shoving a huge fried chicken sandwich in their mouths and sippin' on a Pepsi. Food industries stuffing our "food" with addictive but tasty chemicals that we just can't get enough of. Many of those chemicals are put in there because they literally make us (temporarily) happy! And then Pinterest and Facebook posts talking about how we need to love ourselves regardless of our size. EVERYTHING is working against us.

Yeah, we need to love ourselves. We need to love ourselves enough to realize that we are ALLOWING ourselves to be okay with filling our bodies with toxic CRAP. If you really loved yourself, you would get off your Facebook and get off your couch and go for a walk. No. It's not easy. I just had to cancel 4 of my favorite TV series recordings because I simply don't have time anymore to watch them. That SUCKED. But ya know what? I love myself a lot more when I'm sweating my butt off on a run than when I'm sitting on the couch watching Dance Moms.

Our bodies are designed to be healthy and taken care of. VERY few people today know what it feels like to have a truly healthy, functioning body and that's sad. Our bodies don't know how to break down all the nasty chemicals we eat on a daily basis and that is why well over half of America's population is overweight. Well that and our general lack of self control. Because really, I think we all KNOW what we are doing is wrong...or at least have an idea.

Well guess what, peeps? IGNORANCE IS NOT BLISS. Whether you know what aspartame or high fructose corn syrup is or not, it's still slowly killing you in some way, shape, or form.

Everyone needs that "Aha!" moment. Most of the time, it isn't until we are diagnosed with diabetes; or cancer; or a heart condition. Even then, some people don't pay attention.

Go ahead and make yourselves feel better by posting those feel good posts on your Facebook wall. People will probably like that more than they like the truth. The truth is, those posts are just bandaids. Well sometimes bandaids just need to be ripped off. Obviously there is a far greater issue. Obviously you are feelin' kinda crappy about yourself. Let me just say that walking out of a store, almost in tears, because I couldn't find a pair of jeans that fit right is FAR harder on me in the long run than saying NO to icecream (or whatever your weakness is).

My body doesn't NEED ice cream. My body doesn't NEED pizza. My body doesn't NEED a 32 oz Dr. Pepper every morning. My body NEEDS nutrition. My body NEEDS to be taken care of.

So that's what I'm doing. No more coddling. No more avoiding the issue. No more pretending that what I don't see isn't going to hurt me.