Paleo Challenge Day 0

Day Zero. I know.

My original plan was to start March 1st and do the challenge for the whole month of March. But after 2 weeks of a consistent headache...I'm gonna start tomorrow. 2 days early...big deal...but I can't stand going another minute of this headache knowing that there is something I could do to possibly make it go away.

Please, Jesus. Let gluten be the source of my problems.

Anyway.

I plan on blogging throughout this month to stay accountable and to let others know how it's going too. I won't post it to Facebook every single day because that would get annoying. SO...if you wanna see updates, I have my blog link on my Facebook info.

Since it's 2 days before payday, I didn't have much money to get groceries. I tried getting stuff to last tomorrow and Friday...and spent 50 bucks. I hope that's not how it's going to be all month. Or else my husband is going to kill me :P I also went to Schnuks instead of Wal Mart. Which is probably a big reason as to why it was so dang expensive. Ultimately, I know that eating completely clean is going to be more expensive than eating junk; however, I'm hoping I will learn how and where I can save money.

In the oven right now are my egg omelet muffins to have for breakfast :) I'm really excited about these! I will let you all know how they taste! 

My Obsession, My Addiction

A couple weeks ago in church, our pastor talked about temptation. Towards the beginning of the message, he asked us what we thought about when we heard the word "temptation". He then went on to jokingly say "We usually use the word temptation when referring to things that aren't a big deal. Like that extra scoop of ice cream is really tempting..."

It has been heavy on my mind ever since. For some people, this is actually a REALLY big deal. I know he didn't mean it the way I took it; but, I'm sorry, I couldn't help but think into it.

So I thought about it...and thought some more...and a little more....

I have never been morbidly obese. I have never struggled with diabetes or heart problems from eating too many Big Macs. I am SO thankful that I was able to change my health around before it got to that point (Because at the rate I was at, those things weren't far away). But the way I have struggled with food and self esteem issues for as long as I can remember, is NO joke.

And I know I'm not the only one. I know so many people struggle with being dependent on food.

When presented with a delicious treat, the torment that goes on inside is just...well...tormenting. It frustrates me to no end that I can't just flippin say "no" and that be the end of it. I obsess. If I say yes, I guilt myself. Seriously for far too long. I still feel guilty about the ice cream I had 3 days ago. If I say no, I do feel triumphant and really good about myself...but I still sit there and imagine how good that brownie or cookie or something tastes. STILL, even if I do say "no", the process my brain went thru to get to that decision is just excruciating. 

It is so frustrating to me when people who know the journey I'm on try to get me off the band wagon for "just one cookie" or "a little bit isn't going to throw off all your progress". That's just not how it works! I know they don't know exactly how difficult it is unless they themselves have been there, but I still get frustrated.

After I started losing weight this past summer, it got easier. The pounds seemed to just fall off and it felt SO empowering to say "no" to unhealthy food. There was still a struggle, but I was just so overweight and had had such bad eating habits before that even if I did give in sometimes, I still was losing weight quite quickly. Things really slowed down around November-ish I guess. Maybe October. I wish I had kept track better. I stopped seeing results as fast and I got discouraged so saying "no" to junk food got hard.

As long as I can remember, food has been my comfort. My habit. My go-to friend. My reward. My crutch. My excuse. My obsession. My addiction.

Aaaaaand here we are. I made a public promise a little over a month ago that I was going to lose more weight by June. So far, I have lost some weight...but I am just so tired of feeling so trapped by my struggle with food.

I don't WANT it to be such a struggle. I don't want to get almost physically sick every time I am faced with an opportunity to eat junk food. I want to be able to "eat to live not live to eat". 

So, I'm giving it to God. Along with a group of a few others, I am starting a paleo challenge for the month of March. I'm really excited because basically it is just taking away any option to "cheat" on my healthy eating. Or else I will screw up my gluten and dairy free test. Go hard or go home, right? I really am an extreme person sometimes...but just trying to eat less crap food isn't working.

God wants to help me with this struggle. DUH! So I think it's about time I let Him. My prayer is that whenever I need comforted, I find comfort in His arms. Whenever I need a friend, I chat Him up. When I wake up at 2am and can't sleep, I turn to Him and not the fridge. I want Him to be my addiction. My obsession. 

He gave me a really awesome motivator-my husband-who I am so thankful for. He tells me I'm beautiful and helps me keep my eyes on my goals.

Thank you, Jesus.

I will try to do a better job at keeping this blog updated. My hope is that God will use my struggle and my story to help motivate other people to get healthy. It's NOT an easy road...but it is totally doable. After all, with Him, ALL things are possible, ya'll.